Rediscovering Yourself Post-Baby: How to Gain Your Confidence Back
You’re standing in the kitchen doing the dishes for the millionth time. Your kids are whining, there’s a half-written grocery list on the counter, and you can’t remember if you’ve eaten lunch. Somewhere in the chaos of nap schedules and Target runs, you find yourself quietly asking: “How do I find myself again after becoming a mom?” You’re not alone, because I’ve been there. After all, one minute you’re your own person with your own hobbies, career, and ultimately your own sense of self, and the next, you’re someone’s entire world, and you’re needed more than ever. It’s normal to feel like you’ve lost yourself in the motherhood trenches. Motherhood is a turning point in our lives, but it doesn’t mean you have to lose yourself. You are still you, just a newer version! I was recently reminded that motherhood should be viewed as an addition to who you are, rather than a cancellation of who you are.
If I’m being honest, the last several months have tested me in more ways than one. From dealing with health issues, life changes and struggling to find my own identity outside of being a mom, life has thrown me some curveballs, but I’m constantly reminded that there are so many blessings in my life. Not every day will be a great day and that’s okay. Nothing in life is meant to be perfect. With that being said, there’s beauty in the imperfections of motherhood. There’s no one size fits all and re-discovering oneself after a baby is a challenge in it of itself. Just start small and you’ll be amazed at how the little things add up and help you to feel like yourself again.
Mom guilt is real, and it’s relentless but you need to let it go. It can be hard because the moment you decide to do something for yourself, that little voice in your head tells you it’s selfish and you should be doing something for your kids instead. However, start with carving out small moments in your day for things you enjoy. Reading a book, taking a walk, watching a show, or sitting down and actually eating a lunch. Taking care of yourself, doesn’t mean you can’t also take care of your kids. I actually have found when I take 10-20 minutes out of my day for myself, I’m a happier, calmer and more productive parent. Plus, when you prioritize your well-being, it’s a great lesson for your kids because it shows them, they should do the same.
Your dreams, goals and aspirations matter. Just because you’re a mom doesn’t mean that your dreams and desires go away. Sure, priorities shift, and your goals might look different, but they don’t go away. It’s fun to dream and to accomplish things in life, especially after becoming a mom. For so long I’ve been wanting to get back into horse-back riding, but the timing hasn’t been right. Growing up as a kid, there was nothing better than going to the barn and riding. I remember always being so happy and feeling like nothing else mattered when I was there. Fast forward ten years later and I’m finally back in the saddle! The amount of joy I feel being back at the barn and riding again is immeasurable. I finally feel like “Heidi” again. My best advice would be to start small. Just 10 minutes a day of something you love can help you to find your way again. Multitasking is also your best friend! Listen to a podcast while folding laundry or stretch while playing with your baby. Hobbies may look different now, and that’s okay.
Rebuild friendships and prioritize your relationship. Before kids, friendships seemed effortless. Now, even replying to a text feels overwhelming and to be honest sometimes I’ll even forget. Relationships shift, but they don’t have to disappear. It’s okay if some friendships grow closer while others fade. I try to keep in touch with my friends via voice memos or quick check in texts. They don’t have to be every day but once in a while to let your friends know you care and are checking in on them. I try to always remember everyone is going through something so even on the days where I might not have the time or am just straight up exhausted, I still try to show up for my friends. This also goes for your relationship. My husband and I plan frequent date nights to reconnect and have some alone time without the kids. I feel like it’s so important to prioritize your relationship post baby because it’s the small and thoughtful moments that keep your connection alive. It’s true when they say never stop dating your spouse!
Regain and re-invent your style. If your closet is full of oversized tees and leggings, you are not alone. I feel like I have my favorite pair of leggings and shirts I wear on the daily because they make me feel the most confident. Recently, I’ve been keeping up with the latest “mom trends” as it’s been a great way for me to reconnect with my love for fashion. I’ve also been focusing on building a wardrobe that’s simple but stylish. Some of my favorite stylish staples are high waisted leggings, linen pants, blouses, and slip on sneakers or flats. If you’re not looking to revamp your wardrobe, try adding simple accessories like rings, bracelets, necklaces, etc. to your outfits. I feel like a stylish outfit, new hairstyle, or cute accessories can shift my mood. It’s truly the little things that can help you feel like yourself again.
Give yourself grace and embrace the “now”. Before motherhood, you knew who you were. Then, overnight, you became a mom. Rediscovering yourself isn’t about going back- it’s about evolving and moving forward. I say this for myself too because the last several months have been hard. As much as I love being a mom, trying to figure out who I am outside of being a mom hasn’t been a walk in the park. From someone who battled postpartum depression, it can be easy to give up on yourself but I’m still “Heidi”. Motherhood has just expanded me. I’ve realized I’m not trying to become the person I once was but am discovering who I’m becoming. Motherhood is a beautiful gift in which you become more resilient, empathetic and stronger than you ever thought you were.
It’s true that motherhood changes you, but it doesn’t erase you. Your journey isn’t ending; it’s just getting started. Remember to keep seeking support, inspiration and making time for yourself as everything counts. Always remember you’re not just a mom, you’re you, and you’re worth it.
